No More Spineless Weasels

Over the years, some of the notes about columns and editorials I have received have been, shall I say, less than laudatory.

Like the time I compared the looks of some Russian women to cement trucks. Yikes! Cement truck supporters everywhere organized and sent a letter to my boss wanting him to fire me. Actually, I think I misquoted myself in that column.

Another time, I wrote an editorial for or against some important issue  or other, and an admirer — and I use that term loosely — called referring to me as the “lowest of the low-lifes.”

“Hey,” I told him. “I may be scum, but at least I’m the creme de la scum!”

Another time, a guy stopped me to tell me that I was an “idiot.”

Paraphrasing the former editor of the New Yorker, I told the gentleman, “You may be right.”

Writing a column is, by turns, the best job in the world and the worst. It’s the worst when I inadvertently tick someone off. I have no problem ticking some people off. As they say, if the shoe fits, wear it.

It’s when I use too broad a brush that I shudder. That’s why I try to be really, really careful when I write.

It’s the best job when a friend, a neighbor — or a total stranger — drops me a line or stops me in the grocery store with a few kind words. It makes my day.

The note I received last week was one of those that made my day. Here is the complete text of said note:

“Yo Carl: Very nice piece.  Please run for governor, or attorney general.  The spineless weasels have got to go.”

To protect the innocent, I shall refrain from naming the author. And, no, it wasn’t my wife.

The column to which the author was referring was about the upcoming election, in which the voters or Oregon are being called upon to do the Legislature’s work, again. We get to decide on a land-use law and a cigarette tax because the — and I quote — “spineless weasels” refused to adequately address those issues.

Note to politicians: the words “spineless weasels” were not mine. If you’ll refer to my column, I think you’ll find that I used a much more diplomatic tone: “namby-pamby” and “wimpy.”

Whether you go with “spineless weasel” or “namby-pamby” and “wimpy,” I think you’ll agree with my correspondent that Oregon politics are the functional equivalent of a train wreck, but a lot less interesting.

Now, regarding my running for governor or attorney general: I’ve already got a campaign slogan: “It’s time Oregon elected a weasel with a spine.”