One Holiday at a Time, Please

Whew! I feel as though I just squirted out of a time machine. Where on earth did the year go? Here it is almost Christmas and the end of the year when it seems like I just got used to writing 2007 on my checks a few weeks ago.

I think I know why time seems to fly so fast. And no, it has nothing to do with time moving faster as you get older, as my kids constantly remind me.

Instead, we are victims of holiday compression.

I should explain.

In the old days, we celebrated one holiday at a time. It was a very orderly process. The New Year was followed by Valentine’s Day, which was followed by every other holiday, one by one.

Now, however, holidays come in twos and threes. For example, I saw the first display of Christmas decorations in September. Here I had just gotten past Labor Day, and I had to start thinking about Christmas. What about Halloween and Thanksgiving? They were sandwiched in the middle.

I don’t understand why we have double- and triple-teamed the holidays. The stores don’t come out ahead. The only thing that happens is the Christmas buying season is longer. Shoppers — especially this shopper — don’t have any more money. We just get stampeded into spending it earlier.

All of which is OK, I guess. I’m sure holiday compression will continue unabated. Pretty soon, you will see Christmas decorations for sale along with Fourth of July fireworks. In fact, you’ll be able to buy multi-holiday combinations of fireworks and Christmas decorations.

I can see it now — a bottle rocket-powered Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer shooting across the sky and a fireworks fountain that transforms itself into a fiery Christmas tree.

We’ll also have multipurpose decorations. Halloween pumpkins will be painted white and stacked to make snowmen. And the wrappers from the leftover Halloween candy will turn inside out to become Christmas treats.

Ultimately, of course, we will celebrate only two all-purpose six-month-long holidays. The first will be called the Fourth of New Valentine’s Memorial Day. It will be celebrated the first half of the year and be followed by Thanks-Labor–Hallo-Kwanzaamas.

All of which will defeat the whole point of holidays: to enjoy the company of our families and friends.

One day at time.

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to holidays, I’m in no rush.